A lonely man with a wooden eye walks into a bar and see this girl with a cleft lip sitting by herself. Seeing as she also has damage to her face he walks up and asks her "Hey do you wanna dance?" she replies excitedly "Would I!" to which he replies "Fuck you cunt face!" a termite walks into a bar and asks "is the bar tender here?" A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel shoved down the front of his pants The bartender says, "excuse me, but isn't that really uncomfortable?" The pirate replies "Arr, it be drivin' me nuts!" A guy and a bartender are talking. The man is a regular. He says, "Last night I got so drunk I went home and blew chunks." The bartender replies: "That's nothing; I knew a guy who was so drunk he killed his whole family and then himself." The man: "No, no; you don't understand--Chunks is my dog." A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw..." a drunk walks into a bar. He orders one too many drinks, and then goes home and hits his wife. A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this some kind of joke?" yeah these jokes are all stolen, but they're good
Lets do some nursery rhymes... my way: Peter Peter Pumpkin eater had a wife and love to beat her slapped her twice and stomped her head screwed her ass and went to bed. Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet Eating her curds and whey, Along came a spider, Who sat down beside her And said "Bitch whats in the bowl?" Thankyou.
TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!! Oh wait... Its the government we're up against... Shit, we're screwed...
Same^ Also, How many dirty stinking apes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three Who knows why (TV show reference)
One Dirty stinking ape to screw in the light bulb Two Dirty stinking apes to throw feces at eachother ---------- Post added at 01:00 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:00 AM ---------- And yes Family Guy
how many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? it's impossible, feminists can't change anything!
Jew Jokes How do you know jews are living nextdoor? There's wet toilet paper on the clothesline What's the difference between jews and boyscouts? Boyscouts come back from their camps! What's Hitlers least favorite planet? 'Jewpiter' Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? The pizza doesnt scream when you put it in an oven! Whats the difference between a Jew and a Canoe? A canoe tips How do you get 100 jews into a car? Throw a quarter in it. How do you get them out again? Tell them Hilter is driving. How many jews can you fit in a VW Beetle? 54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray. How do you know you have a queer Jew? He likes money more than girls. Have you heard about the Jewish sports car? It stops on a dime, then picks it up What is a Jews biggest dilemma? Free pork Whey do Jews have such big noses? Cuz all the airs free. Whats the object of Jewish football? To get the quarter back. How was copper wire invented? 2 Jews fighting over the same penny What language does Jewish homo speak? Heblew What did the little German boy get for his birthday? Easy bake oven and a G.I Jew Hows Christmas celebrated in Jewish homes? They put parking meters on the roof. Why did the Jews walk around the desert for 40 years? They heard that someone dropped a quarter What do you call a room full of jewish women with yeast infections? A whine and cheese party. Whats Jewish doggy style? You beg for half an hour and the princess rolls over and plays dead. What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall? He breaks his nose. What's faster than a speeding bullet? A jew with a coupon.